The best duck jokes

If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
Vote: has 65.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show? A: The feather forecast!
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bird, duck
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: duck, lawyer
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 52.98 % from 112 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Vote: has 49.93 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, duck, teen
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: duck, money, Yo mama
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, duck, food, political
Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A: A Ducktor.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, duck
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, duck, money


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