The best duck jokes

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 53.10 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck, teen
What do ducks wear to party's? A duck-sedo!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck, party
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: duck, money, Yo mama
Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly. The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him. Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is...fluctuation." The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's sucks! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"
Vote: has 40.57 % from 137 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: duck, little Johnny, student, teacher
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck, money
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn? A: To buy some quack.
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck, money