The best duck jokes

A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker!
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bird, duck
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show? A: The feather forecast!
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, duck
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: duck, lawyer
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: duck, money, Yo mama
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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has 45.60 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A: A Ducktor.
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, duck
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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has 42.56 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, teen
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
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