Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died?
A: A black widow.
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I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth.
And now, you're in your Vegas years.
You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet.
But you're still the King.
An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was blow the plays.
Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink?
A: A terrorpist."
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.
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I gas the only problem I have with the wold now is all the deutchbags.
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Q: Why do Americans like black candles?
A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.
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Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig.
That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.
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