Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
Yo mama so fat when she went swimming, The Japanese harpooned her and took her back to Japan to sell her blubber.
Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.
Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!