My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.
I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she farts, it comes out at the ankles of her tight-ass jeans.