The best fart jokes

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce." On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce." The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
Vote: has 70.73 % from 69 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, disgusting, fart, money, women
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Yo mamas so fat when she farted she caused global warming!
Vote: has 70.33 % from 68 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fart, Yo mama
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"
Vote: has 69.95 % from 191 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay, love, sex
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?" Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
Vote: has 69.31 % from 118 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fart, little Johnny, teacher
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
Vote: has 69.28 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, fart, health
I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fart, hipster
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food, single
regular ass (_!_) fat ass (__!__) tight ass (!) flat ass (_._) bubble ass (_^_) sore ass (_*_) lop-sided ass (_!__) swishy ass {_!_} surprised ass (_o_) ass that's been around (_O_) kiss my ass (_x_) leave my ass alone (_X_) tired ass (_zzz_) wise ass (_o^o_) unlucky ass (_13_) money out the ass (_$_) dumb ass (_?_)
Vote: has 69.06 % from 95 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
Vote: has 69.02 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chemistry, disgusting, fart, mother in law, war


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