The best fart jokes

Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fart
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?" Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
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has 70.03 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: fart, little Johnny, teacher
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
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has 68.49 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, sport
regular ass (_!_) fat ass (__!__) tight ass (!) flat ass (_._) bubble ass (_^_) sore ass (_*_) lop-sided ass (_!__) swishy ass {_!_} surprised ass (_o_) ass that's been around (_O_) kiss my ass (_x_) leave my ass alone (_X_) tired ass (_zzz_) wise ass (_o^o_) unlucky ass (_13_) money out the ass (_$_) dumb ass (_?_)
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has 68.07 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
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has 67.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: business, celebrity, fart, IT, phone
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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has 67.62 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, disgusting, fart, mother in law, war
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: fart
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
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has 67.30 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: bird, fart, fat, Yo mama
Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"
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has 67.16 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, fart, little Johnny, teacher
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 67.10 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
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