The best food jokes

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
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has 73.10 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
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has 73.08 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: food, sport
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
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has 73.03 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, food, life, travel
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, health
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, food, women
Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
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has 72.68 % from 247 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
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