The best food jokes

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
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More jokes about: food, men, work
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
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More jokes about: food, life
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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More jokes about: food, life, time
Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
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More jokes about: animal, food
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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More jokes about: communication, food, single
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
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More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
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More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food
Superman is weakened when exposed to Kryptonite. Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast without even a belch.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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More jokes about: communication, food, health
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
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More jokes about: food, lawyer