The best food jokes

Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, food, men, sex
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
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has 71.07 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, food, military
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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has 70.90 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
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has 70.89 % from 328 votes. More jokes about: asian, blonde, food, life
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: food, Halloween, ugly, wife
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, food
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
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has 70.78 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: food, military
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
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has 70.72 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
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