What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
Vote:
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
Vote:
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man.
"I want a cheese sandwich!"
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.
The preacher's wife is shocked.
The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?"
His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher.
The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home.
She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo.
At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham."
The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."