The best food jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, food, women
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 68.62 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb? A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, light bulb, work
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: food, Yo mama
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