The best food jokes

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic, time
Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Vote: has 70.32 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
Vote: has 70.32 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman: - Do you have any bananas? - No,I don't. ( says the barman) - Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey) - No,I have not got any bananas! - Do you have any bananas? - If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter! - Do you have any nails? - No,I don't. - Do you have any bananas?
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, food
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, health, life
The secret ingredient in the KFC recipe is Chuck Norris' approval.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food


<<<20212223
More jokes →
Page 20 of 69.