Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" came the reply
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...