The best food jokes

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: food, health, life
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat yours too.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, food
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl. Each one tries to get rid of the other. Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week. Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there. When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, food, love, teacher
Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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has 71.16 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, redneck
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
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has 71.12 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, food, military
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
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has 71.09 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, wife
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