Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?
A: Cucumber, dirty people.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
Vote:
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Vote:
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."
Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.