How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
Vote:
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
Vote:
What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
Yo mama so fat all the McDonald's food are gone.
Imagine, there are on the bus only 5 persons:
A busman, an old woman, two younger women and one man.
The old woman comes to the busman and tells him: "Dear busman, would you like to eat a few hazelnuts?"
The busman says: "Yes, why not?"
He takes the hazelnuts from her hand and eats them.
This repeats even two times, but when the old woman offers other hazelnuts to the busman for the fourth time, the busman asks this old woman:
"Madame, where do you take all these hazelnuts from? It is a real amount and I am already full."
The old woman only says: "You know, dear busman, I have bought the chocolate with hazelnuts, the hazelnuts are very hard for my dental plate, so I have sucked them all out, brought it to you and you have already eaten them all."
My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread.
Vote:
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Vote:
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.