Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she brought on world hunger.
Chuck Norris invented hot sauce. To put on his peppers.
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship. The ship was sinking so the black guy said, "quick throw off anything we don't need." The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
Little Johnny was always late for school. When asked why he said he had to eat his popsicle. Without thinking the teacher told him to eat half his popsicle and save the other half in his pocket. Next day Johnny was on time. The teacher had history class. "What are the people in Asia called", she asked a student. "Asians", said the student. "What are the people in Africa called". "Africans" said the student. Then she asked Johnny, "What are the people in Europe called", but Johnny didn't know so the girl behind him whispered, "Euro pean." To that Johnny said, "No I'm not, that's just my popsicle."
Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.