The best food jokes

Your Momma is like Burger King "Have it Your Way".
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, Yo mama
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, food, husband, old people
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
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More jokes about: disgusting, food, time
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, military
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana.
Vote: has 40.78 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, car, food, racist
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
Vote: has 39.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, food
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, food, husband, wife