Q: What happens when you feed gun powder to a chicken? A: Egg-splosion
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Yo mama so fat all the McDonald's food are gone.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.