"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!
Vote:
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Fry-days.
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
Vote:
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris.
He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Q: Why won't Easter eggs go out at night?
A: They don't want to get "beat up".
A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right."
"Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break."
"I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.
As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed.
As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?"
She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Helo...Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.