The best food jokes

Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, life
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, hipster
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness." The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, food, parrot
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, food, insulting
A guy orders spaghetti in a restaurant. In the middle of eating he finds a hair in his food. He says to the waiter, "I'm not paying for this dirty meal," and walks out. The waiter watches the guy go into a whorehouse. The waiter waits about 10 minutes, bursts through the door and finds the guy with his face buried in p**sy. The waiter says, "You eat p**sy and complain about one hair in your spaghetti." The man replies, "Yeah, and if I find any spaghetti in this p**sy, I'm not paying for it either."
Vote: has 80.19 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
Vote: has 80.19 % from 140 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
"Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?" "Because I helped her."  "But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?" "I helped her eat her gummy bears."
Vote: has 80.14 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, kids, little Johnny
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 80.12 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don’t fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yells back, "Who do I look like the GE man, I Don’t think so." A little while later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it’s out." "Who do I look like an electrician, I don’t think so," Paul says. A few minutes later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it." Paul quickly replies, "Who do I look like a carpenter, I don’t think so." Frustrated, he gets up and leaves. He decides to go to a bar down the road. After the game was over, he began to feel slightly guilty for the way he treated his wife so he went on home. He comes up the porch and realizes that the step is fixed. He walked into the house and noticed that the hall light was fixed. He walked into the kitchen to get a cold beer and noticed that the fridge was fixed. Paul sees his wife and says, "Babe, how did you fix all this." She looked at him and said, "Well after you left I began to cry on the porch." A fine young man walked past and noticed I was crying and he asked me what he could do to help. He fixed everything. I asked him what I could do for payment." He said "I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him." Paul says, LWell, what kind of cake did you bake him?" Kate looks at him and replies, "Who do I look like Betty Crocker, I don’t think so!"
Vote: has 80.00 % from 1319 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, game, husband, money, sex
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
Vote: has 79.61 % from 829 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama