The best food jokes

Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
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has 81.14 % from 2459 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 80.81 % from 452 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.
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has 80.52 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: food, women
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
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has 80.47 % from 3009 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time, work
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
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has 80.34 % from 463 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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has 80.19 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, single
Me: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Friend: How? Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
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has 80.13 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, friendship
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, life
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
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has 80.01 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: age, food, memory, old people, wife
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