The best food jokes

My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: business, food, husband, old people
Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food? A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: food, parrot, pirate
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
Coffee doesn't wake up Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris wakes coffee up.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
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has 46.00 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: birthday, chocolate, food, kids, mean
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?" Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: fish, food, health, little Johnny, math
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
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