Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him."
Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
A cowch potato.
Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
Vote:
Chuck Norris has his own protien powder.
The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it.
He commands it to enter his mouth.
Vote:
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.