When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Q: What do spaghetti and blondes have in common? A: They both wiggle when you eat them!
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa? A cowch potato.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"