The best food jokes

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
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More jokes about: dirty, food
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
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More jokes about: business, food, husband, old people
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
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More jokes about: dirty, food, health
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
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More jokes about: animal, fat, food, Yo mama
Yo Mama is like a refrigerator. Meat goes in and out all day.
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More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
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More jokes about: animal, food, music
The smoothie was invented when Chuck Norris needed information from a banana.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food


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