Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
The smoothie was invented when Chuck Norris needed information from a banana.
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Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay?
A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
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Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
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Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
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The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"