When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave. "Excuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing", said the guy, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
Yo Mama is like a refrigerator. Meat goes in and out all day.
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks the Wu-Tang Clan is a Japanese orange drink company.
What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange? A pip squeak.
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa? A cowch potato.
Q: What do gay horses eat? A: Hay.