The best food jokes

My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, food, husband, old people
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, military
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana.
Vote: has 41.79 % from 109 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, car, food, racist
There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed: Have you been doing anything unusual? And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual? And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.
Vote: has 41.52 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, food, sport
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women? A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
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More jokes about: food, women
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter? A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass? A: He becomes a toblerone!
Vote: has 38.49 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, dirty, food


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