How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.
Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women? A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!
Q: What do gay horses eat? A: Hay.
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
There is no use crying over split milk, unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.