Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave. "Excuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing", said the guy, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? Donut Seeds.
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello? A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.