The best food jokes

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, duck, food, political
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, military
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
I'm not saying I'm racist at all, but... I put chocolate milk in back of the fridge.
has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, food, racist
Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay? A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, gay, work
Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food, weather
There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed: Have you been doing anything unusual? And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual? And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.
has 39.74 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
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