When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa? A cowch potato.
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? Donut Seeds.
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"