There is no use crying over split milk, unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
Chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and pooped it out solved.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets? A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.