Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer?
because the grass tickles their balls :)
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Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?"
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree.
They asked me to bring it."
Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants."
Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
A biker walks into a gay bar and sits down to have a drink when a guy walks up to him and asks "hey biker you ever played barroom football"?
"What are you talking about" the biker replies.
"You know you guzzle a beer down that's the touchdown then pull your pants down and bend over and if you can fart the kicks well."
The gay guy goes first to demonstrate.
The biker states "I can do that and even better."
He chugs the beer, slams the bottle, stands up pulls his pants down bends over to fart the gay guy jumps behind him and shouts "blocked that kick".
What did the cow wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
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A first-grade teacher can't
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl.
"It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"
"Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.
"Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"
"Then I'd be a football fan."
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.
He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back.
"Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?"
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."