Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has stared Fear in the face... and Fear looked away.
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !