Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week. One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, go.
Chuck Norris can finish a Super Mario game with just one arrow key.
For Chuck Norris... In the game Monopoly every space is free parking.
Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
Yo mama so ugly, she's the reason Mario jumps high.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek? A: Marco Polo.
Chuck Norris once hit 3 touchdowns during a friendly game of full-contact bowling.