The best geek jokes

No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, computer, geek, IT
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, party, technology
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: computer, dad, geek, IT, technology
Chuck Norris can open Microsoft Windows when he needs fresh air.
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has 48.41 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geek, IT, technology
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer
Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers the command line.
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, computer, geek, IT
New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, geek, IT
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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has 45.35 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geek, internet, IT, technology
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, nerd
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