The best geek jokes

Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
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has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, geek, IT, technology
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, party, technology
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, geek, IT, technology
No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, computer, geek, IT
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
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has 51.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer
New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: computer, dad, geek, IT, technology
Q: What did the dentist say to the computer? A: This won't hurt a byte
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: computer, dentist, geek, IT
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, nerd
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."
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has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: beauty, geek, IT, women
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