The best god jokes

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time." Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other organ I have for you is called a vagina. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this organ to give him children." Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."
Vote:
has 50.61 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god, kids
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Vote:
has 50.54 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, god, lawyer, teacher
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
Vote:
has 50.40 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god
God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, life
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, god
Do you know why God is called "God"? Because "Chuck Norris" is already taken.
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
People believe in God. God believe in Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Yo mama is so fat Jesus can't hold her holy spirit.
Vote:
has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: fat, god, insulting, Yo mama
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Vote:
has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
Your mama is so black when God saw her he said "Oh man I burnt one again."
Vote:
has 46.06 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: god, Yo mama
<<<16171819
More jokes →
Page 16 of 19.