The best god jokes

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God… “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!” Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?” God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked. Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?” God says, “That was the screen saver”.
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has 44.67 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, death, god, IT
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god
Before god said, "Let there be light," he asked Chuck Norris,"Can light let there be?"
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, god
Q: Why do blacks have flat noses? A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.
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has 42.22 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: black people, god
God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
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has 42.06 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, time
God created Adam, Adam saw Chuck Norris, Adam created tears.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: god, life
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
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has 40.80 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde, god, travel
Chuck Norris was worshipped as a god by the Eskimos. That is why they had igloos modeled after his signature move.
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has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
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