The best god jokes

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
Q: Why did God create women? A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, women
What did God say when he created the first nigger? Opps, I put the pubes on his head.
Vote: has 43.75 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, racist
Q: Why Are black peoples hands and feet white? A: When God painted them he told them to assume the position
Vote: has 43.04 % from 66 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, god
God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, time
Q: Why do blacks have flat noses? A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.
Vote: has 42.06 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, god
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, life
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
Vote: has 40.67 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, god, travel
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
Vote: has 37.97 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, god
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God… “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!” Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?” God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked. Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?” God says, “That was the screen saver”.
Vote: has 37.02 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, celebrity, death, god, IT


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