The best god jokes

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God… “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!” Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?” God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked. Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?” God says, “That was the screen saver”.
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has 38.99 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, death, god, IT
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
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has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god
One day a man got on the bus and saw a nun. He started to have sexual Thoughts about her and tried to stop but she looked so good that he couldn't Stop. So once she got off the bus the man asked the bus driver if he knew Where she was going. The bus driver said to meet the nun at the church at 8:0op.m dressed like jesus. He went there dressed like jesus. This Surprised the nun and she asked him what she needed to do and he said have anal sex with him. Afterwards, the man said I have a confession to make and he told her he wasn't jesus but the man on the bus. The nun then said she had a confession also. She was the busdriver..
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has 34.70 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: god, sex, time
What do u call a black priest? Holy shit.
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has 34.10 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: black humor, god, priest
God is one of Chuck Norris's creation.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
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has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, lawyer
Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom? Mom: Why? my child.. Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
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has 29.75 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: god, life
Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, god, heaven, Yo mama
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: god, men
Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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has 26.95 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: food, god, school, teacher
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