The best graduation jokes

Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."

One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

I'll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.

If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.

Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.

I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."

Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it may take up to seven years!