Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college. So my parents sent me to dog training school. I learned a lot when I was there. Sit, stay, roll over. I haven't quite got the fetching part down. They say I'm a little rough around the edges.
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.
Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.