Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Q: What do you get when you complete science class? A: A graduated cylinder.
Knock Knock Who's there! B-4! B-4 who? B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean's hand.
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."
Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro. When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip." When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club". When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing. "She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards." The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem. How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"