Joke #11567

Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.

Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep! Football Player: Coach, It is just not true! Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him! Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!

A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.

One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!

Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."