The best health jokes

Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, health, life
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."
Vote: has 64.52 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, gay, health, sex
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: flirt, health, money, stupid
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fat, health, kids
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, money
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, business, health
Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health