The best health jokes

Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Vote:
has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drug, health, life
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
Vote:
has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, money, stupid
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote:
has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
Vote:
has 61.13 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.
Vote:
has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dentist, health, sport
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
Vote:
has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, ugly
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
Vote:
has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
<<<11121314
More jokes →
Page 11 of 22.