Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.