Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A: She was lacking vitamin D.
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.