The best health jokes

Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drug, health, life
The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, medical
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
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has 62.19 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, health
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: health, holiday, marriage, wife
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.33 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
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