Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
Vote:
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
Vote:
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out.
Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences.
Then hang up.
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
Vote:
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Vote:
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.
Vote:
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
Vote:
A Marine was going in for his physical.
He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend.
After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids.
He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit.
The DR came in.
After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life.
Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.'
Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir."
Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?"
Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?"
The DR. signed the paperwork.
Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."