The best health jokes

Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
Vote: has 65.89 % from 212 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, health, Yo mama
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drug, health, life
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, money
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
Vote: has 64.87 % from 115 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, cowboy, death, health, racist
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, health
Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people


<<<11121314
More jokes →
Page 11 of 20.