The best health jokes

Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
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has 61.39 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, ugly
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.04 % from 289 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
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has 60.61 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
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has 60.35 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: health, holiday, marriage, wife
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, health, stupid
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