The best health jokes

The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, medical
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
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has 62.19 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, health
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: health, holiday, marriage, wife
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, health, stupid
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.23 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
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has 60.65 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
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