What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."
An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.