The best health jokes

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, health, political
A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp. His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage. Mum: "Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?" Boy: "Nouuu." Mum: "Did you dance with a boy then?" Boy: "No, mum." Mum: "So how did you get it?" Boy: "I went to take some tea."
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: health, stupid
One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."
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has 47.98 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, gay, health, sex
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 47.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?" Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
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has 46.90 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fish, food, health, little Johnny, math
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
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has 45.95 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, health
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