The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day.
So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me."
Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken.
It´s Chuck Norris´s leg.
He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
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Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat!
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In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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