The best health jokes

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…
Vote: has 80.05 % from 219 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, life, math, phone
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
Vote: has 79.54 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, doctor, health, stupid
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Vote: has 79.37 % from 488 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, Chuck Norris, health
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
Vote: has 79.27 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, health
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Vote: has 79.22 % from 122 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography, gym, health
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Vote: has 79.10 % from 198 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Vote: has 79.05 % from 87 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 79.00 % from 81 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life


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