The best health jokes

I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, health, life
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
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has 80.30 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: driving, health, stupid, work
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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has 79.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
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has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, nurse
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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has 79.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses. She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, health
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?" So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!" The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy. The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?" The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?" The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
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has 79.24 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, lawyer
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
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has 78.68 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
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