Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer."
Mom: "You don't have Cancer!"
Me: "So it's working..."
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"
So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy.
The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason.
The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"
The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids.
The results came back positive.
When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
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Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
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An old man goes to his doctor.
The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness."
Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time."
Fat lady: "At which particular time?"
Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
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