The best health jokes

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Vote: has 80.19 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Vote: has 80.05 % from 185 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck." "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off." "My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?" "Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye." "My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?" "No, that was the first day I had my hook."
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, animal, health, life
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Vote: has 79.45 % from 112 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography, gym, health
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
Vote: has 79.06 % from 121 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 78.75 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
Vote: has 78.55 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, health
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, health
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote: has 78.51 % from 134 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, health


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