The best health jokes

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote: has 76.72 % from 143 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, health
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Vote: has 76.54 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
Vote: has 76.25 % from 197 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
Vote: has 75.41 % from 262 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote: has 75.18 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
Vote: has 75.13 % from 115 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Vote: has 74.54 % from 66 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Vote: has 74.45 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, health


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