The best health jokes

The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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has 75.80 % from 307 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? A: You can't hear a vitamin.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” The doctor replied, “Show me.” So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again. She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
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has 75.58 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, women
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
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has 75.42 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, health
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
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has 74.78 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: health, life
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
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has 74.41 % from 260 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation
Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, health
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.
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has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: health
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