The best health jokes

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, health
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
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has 76.28 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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has 76.15 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: health, life
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
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