Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
GOD said, Adam, I want you to do something for me. Gladly, Lord, replied Adam. What do you want me to do? Go down into the valley. Whats a valley? asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river. Whats a river? God explained it to him, and then continued, Go over the hill . Whats a hill? God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave. Whats a cave? After God explained, he said, In the cave you will find a woman. Adam asked, Whats a woman? So God explained that to him too. He continued, I want you to reproduce. How do I do that? Jeez, God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman. A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, Whats a headache?
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.