The best health jokes

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote: has 74.28 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Vote: has 74.17 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” The doctor replied, “Show me.” So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again. She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
Vote: has 73.90 % from 96 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, women
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Vote: has 73.75 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Vote: has 73.64 % from 59 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, health
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, lawyer, medical, stupid


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