The best health jokes

Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
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More jokes about: driving, health, stupid, work
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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More jokes about: dirty, health, money
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
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More jokes about: health, lawyer, medical, stupid
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
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More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women