The best health jokes

When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: customer service, health, mean
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, life
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
has 74.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
has 74.81 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
has 74.80 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” The doctor replied, “Show me.” So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again. She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
has 74.65 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, women
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
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