Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen... Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?" Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A sharp pain in the ass.
Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.