Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.
An old man goes to his doctor.
The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
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Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."