Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.