Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?"
Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor."
Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids.
The results came back positive.
When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Vote:
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
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The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.