The best health jokes

My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses. She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, health
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
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has 78.11 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, health
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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has 77.68 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
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has 77.33 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Drink water, let's surprise the liver!
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, health
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 76.49 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
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