Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?"
Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor."
Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
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Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time.
The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.
"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.
"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."
"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids.
The results came back positive.
When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
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