The best health jokes

Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
has 78.26 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
has 78.23 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
has 77.70 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
has 77.40 % from 582 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Chuck Norris, health
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
has 76.70 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? A: You can't hear a vitamin.
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
has 76.45 % from 325 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
has 75.98 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
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