The best health jokes

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote:
has 78.22 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Vote:
has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Vote:
has 78.03 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Vote:
has 77.29 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote:
has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Vote:
has 77.05 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
Drink water, let's surprise the liver!
Vote:
has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, health
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
Vote:
has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
Vote:
has 76.24 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, health
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
Vote:
has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 22.