The best health jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
Vote: has 69.05 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
Vote: has 68.73 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, health, husband, men
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
Vote: has 68.50 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, cowboy, death, health, racist
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote: has 68.14 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, life
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.68 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Halloween, health, kids
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, money