The best health jokes

Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote: has 69.85 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
Vote: has 68.73 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, health, husband, men
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dentist, health, time
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
Vote: has 66.72 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, cowboy, death, health, racist
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, time