An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
GOD said, Adam, I want you to do something for me. Gladly, Lord, replied Adam. What do you want me to do? Go down into the valley. Whats a valley? asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river. Whats a river? God explained it to him, and then continued, Go over the hill . Whats a hill? God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave. Whats a cave? After God explained, he said, In the cave you will find a woman. Adam asked, Whats a woman? So God explained that to him too. He continued, I want you to reproduce. How do I do that? Jeez, God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman. A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, Whats a headache?
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.