The best health jokes

The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
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has 73.28 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, health
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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has 72.60 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women
GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”
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has 71.93 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: god, health, sex, women
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: health, lawyer, medical, stupid
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: food, health, life
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: health, medical, Valentines day
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