How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
GOD said, Adam, I want you to do something for me. Gladly, Lord, replied Adam. What do you want me to do? Go down into the valley. Whats a valley? asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river. Whats a river? God explained it to him, and then continued, Go over the hill . Whats a hill? God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave. Whats a cave? After God explained, he said, In the cave you will find a woman. Adam asked, Whats a woman? So God explained that to him too. He continued, I want you to reproduce. How do I do that? Jeez, God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman. A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, Whats a headache?
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.