The best health jokes

The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Vote: has 72.76 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, health
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, life
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."  The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, duck, health
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, health, medical
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, money
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, food, health
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
Vote: has 72.05 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, health, little Johnny, women
Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
Vote: has 72.05 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, health, insulting, ugly, Yo mama