One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen... Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?" Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.