You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body.
Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!
Vote:
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Vote:
What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote:
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.
The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote:
A man went to visit his doctor.
“Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
“Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!”
“Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”