The best health jokes

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, geography, health
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, time
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”
Vote: has 71.38 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, health, sex, women
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
Vote: has 70.99 % from 160 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, medical, viagra
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, health, life
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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More jokes about: health, medical, Valentines day
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
Vote: has 69.28 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, health, IT