Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
Did you know Chuck Norris's tears was the curernto Cansa, but the problem was he never ever cried.
When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.