The best health jokes

Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? A: Bronchitis.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, health, horse, medical
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 67.10 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: airplane, communication, dog, health
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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has 66.01 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, health
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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has 65.83 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, money
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fat, health, Yo mama
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical