The best health jokes

A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, money, stupid
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, health, stupid, Yo mama
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
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has 66.61 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: health, medical, Valentines day
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
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has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste
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has 65.05 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, health
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, life, money
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