I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.