The best health jokes

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
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More jokes about: age, health, medical, old people, student
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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More jokes about: health, old people
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
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More jokes about: health, ugly, Yo mama
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
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More jokes about: health, little Johnny, school
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, health
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
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More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
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More jokes about: black humor, business, health
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: flirt, health, romantic