The best holiday jokes

Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving? A: He was very thinkful.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, holiday, Thanksgiving
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, holiday
Chuck Norris goes to the Bermuda Triangle for vacation.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, holiday
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, holiday, lawyer
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar. He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon. The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation. Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know." They went. Had lots of fun and came back. Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for." The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon." The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."
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has 42.00 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, money, sex, wife
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
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has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography, holiday
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: holiday, money, wife
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: holiday, men