A man has his car full of penguins.
He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him.
He says.
"Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man does that.
The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins.
Once again he drives past the policeman.
"Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did," replies the man.
"We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
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A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Vote:
Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.
The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again.
He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"
In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!
One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.
" The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To see what the chicken was doing.
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.