Joke #10021

Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.  The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running.  About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.  He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.  The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.  The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.  The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third fucking rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!

A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."

Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.

What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.

When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.

What happened to the cold jellyfish? It set.

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.