Where does a cow stop to drink?
The milky way.
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Claws.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you.