Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
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Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?
A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Reptiles.
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
What's a rabbits favorite movie?
Rabbits of the Lost Ark.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine.
He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself.
Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."