Joke #11101

You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!

What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.

Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig? Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.

How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents.

What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."

What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? (A drizzly bear!)

Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."