What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
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Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
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A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.