What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
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What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Odour in court.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
Vote:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.
But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.
When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,
“Where were you during the first half?”
He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the BET was on.
They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, “Springbok.”
Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, “And it was shot with a 22 rifle.”
He was right!
The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before.
When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Kalahari Lion.”
Fingering the bullet hole, he added, “The rifle was a 308.”
He was right again!
This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, “Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?”
His wife replied angrily, “From me!”
“What did I do?” he asked.
She replied, “You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an ax!’”
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.