Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
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What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
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If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get?
"Beeflt!"
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!"
He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
Q: What do you get when you cross an alligator with a road runner?
A: A 100 mph nigger eater.
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What do ducks wear to party's?
A duck-sedo!
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano.
The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard.
He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.
The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says,
"I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act."
The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat."
The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says,
"Are you nuts?
You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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