Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
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How are skunks able to avoid danger?
By using their instinks and common scents.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog.
He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life.
The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl"
"But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says.
"Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother.
"But I'm not an American," the man says.
"What are you then?" asks the mother.
"I'm an Iranian," the man says.
The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:
Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits feet.
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?"
Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours?
A: So he could hide in the crayon box!