Joke #10074

Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal

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An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”. So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna f*ck her when I get her pyjamas off”
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has 81.00 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar
What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"
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has 58.09 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny? A: A Cold dog on a bun.
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? A steak-out.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, school, teacher
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal