Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
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A snail and a slug got in a crash.
When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened.
He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
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Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits feet.
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve.
A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"
Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
"Dead."