Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house.
He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shag the cat!
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied.
"It's dead. It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said.
"It's his pallbearers."
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion?
Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
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