Joke #9850

Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
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This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?" "Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose." "Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?" "Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender. "THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!" "Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?" "Ruff!" "What are you tryin' to pull, mister?" "Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?" "Ruth." The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy. "Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
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Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
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Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
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There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop. They hide in potato sacks. The officer kicks each bag....when he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow....when he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff...when he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!
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What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger? The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A: A receding hare line.
Vote: has 31.03 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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