Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
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Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!