What are the spots on black-and-white cows?
Holstaines.
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What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?
Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
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Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
How does a cow do math?
With a cowculator.
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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