What are the spots on black-and-white cows? Holstaines.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them.
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use such FOWL language.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? (A gummy bear!)