What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father.
I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
Q: What did the cow say to the other cow?
A: Moo.
Vote:
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned:
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied:
"That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road?
A: To get hit by my car.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."