What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
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Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!
Vote:
Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.
"Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?"
"Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose."
"Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?"
"Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
"THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!"
"Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?"
"Ruff!"
"What are you tryin' to pull, mister?"
"Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please.
Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?"
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez.
D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
Vote:
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What's a tiger?
A stri-ped.
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.